Local Doggerel

 

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From time to time, you trip over the efforts of local artists, which doggerel is just as "good" as that found anywhere else.  Herewith are a couple of examples:

(Webmaster note:  some of the phrasing is less than angelic, and may not be suitable for all ages, genders, or persons of delicate sensitivity.)

 

 

Memo

To:        Developer
From:    Bank

We hate to be the ones to say
But your loan restructure was denied today,
Your funds are gone, project is too,
Does "Screw 'em, let's foreclose" ring a bell with you?
Your sale has been posted and we will not pass
We fully intend to fry your ass!!
Your reputation doesn't phase us a bit,
'Cause you keep building projects that ain't worth shit.
We're telling you now that your deal is dead,
And a couple more things need to be said.
We're taking your project and firing your crew,
Plus we're taking your yacht and your Rolex, too!
Don't deny that you own them.  Your accountant confessed.
You purchased them out of the first draw request.
We're going to court to get what we're due,
And we'll nail your ass before we're through!!
The light at the end of the tunnel, you see,
Is a freight train that's called "Deficiency."
We would like to add with a sigh, yes, a sigh,
Your project was appraised by an MAI.
And in conclusion, we simply must say:
"Thanks for your business and have a nice day."

 

The next call was to the title company

 

This is the supplier so proper and fair
That sold the brick so firm and square
That mortared in place as part of the wall
That was built by the man so straight and tall.

Who entered a contract with the main who built
And secured his loan with mud and silt
And hired the folks to place boards and plaster
And urged the crew to work faster and faster.

Who called the bank to make a draw
And said he was going to pay them all
But used the funds to relax and be idle
Because the job was insured by Lawyers Title.


I actually know who wrote this piece, and he would really appreciate it if I didn't give him credit for it . . . he was horrified to learn any copies of it still existed.

 

 

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Last modified: July 22, 2003